spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
