drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
