Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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