i jhust puked up my retainher.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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