Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
