my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
