If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
