we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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