he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize