so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
