oh god the rape fog is back!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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