oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
