remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
