Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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