During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
