i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
