i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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