direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
