god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
