for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
