why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
