I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
