True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
