You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize