Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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