awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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