Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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