Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can text with my tongue
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
