she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
