if only i could text you this smell
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
