Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
