You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
