we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
