I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
