I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize