Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
