I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Less talking, more tequila
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
