It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
