When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
