On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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