we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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