Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I smell stomach acid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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