at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
