It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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