I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
