I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
