i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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