when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so much tequila, so little girl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
