she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
