Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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