Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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