I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
