But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
