I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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