My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
