dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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