When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
