Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
