i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
