im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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