The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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