well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
